I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm both gender and math confused
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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