I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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