After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
