He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
