Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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