Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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