hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
