I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
