it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
