Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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