I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
