The maid of honor just puked.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
