she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
