Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
