party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
