At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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