So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
