which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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