You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
