By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
