i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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