Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
