These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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