You're completely useless in the revolution.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
