just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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