yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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