I will die if light touches me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
