I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
