so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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