Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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