my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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