I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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