Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
