I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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