I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
