how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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