I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
