I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
