he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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