you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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