What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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