I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
