She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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