I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
