the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
