I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I did not marry a roomba.
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