i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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