words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
