I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
