Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
