I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
