Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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