She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
