You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
